How To Get People To Play Nice

Posted from The Hyatt Regency Hotel, Chicago, Illinois--

Readers always write:

Dear Michael -

I have enjoyed and benefited from your class and books.  You have really helped me.  Specifically, I have taken your advice on communicating with others - looking people in the eye, keeping my hands out of my pockets, smiling through doorways, etc. 

I would like to think these practices are helping my professional and personal relationships and drawing  people closer, but I haven't really noticed results, yet.  It seems to me that many people are more likely to want to avoid conversation or eye contact, especially at work.

I am a positive person by nature, but am so curious how expert communicators like yourself can keep going at such a high level when most of the people you come into contact with are looking at the floor and walking around you.

Is there a book, CD or presentation you can suggest to help me understand the dynamics of this subject? area?   Thank you again for all that you do.

Sincerely,
Roger

 

I respond:    

Thanks, Roger.  I appreciate your kind words.  You're correct.  It can be difficult to keep the energy level high when people aren't responding.  I'm not sure how long you've been practicing, but perhaps you need to become more comfortable before others take your lead.

Keep in mind that no one bats 1.000 in this game.  For example, many people adjust their communication style to accommodate me, but most only do this for a short time before reverting back to their old selves.

The people who appreciate optimism and positive energy are drawn closer and the relationship improves over time.  Some people, however, never get it and I'm okay with that.

The truth is that I don't convert anyone into using being a better communicator.  I'm not really even looking for direct results with others.  I'm just trying to get through the day!  As I write in my booklet, Hmmm . . . Little Ideas With BIG Results," you can't change people.

If someone doesn't want to "play" with me, I can tell and usually disengage pretty quickly.   

No single book has helped me understand this.  I have, however, benefited from reading a wide assortment of authors including Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, Stephen Covey, Harville Hendrix and Malcolm Gladwell.